Ahh to be finished. Done with something. It’s like a bittersweet sense of accomplishment, before you wonder, what’s next? Something that you had been working so hard on is over, and now it’s time to say goodbye. You feel a sense of attachment toward it, but also feel a sense of freedom from letting it go.
Just a moment ago, I finished writing my 50,000 + word novel. So around 160 pages. 29 days dedicated to certain characters. Characters you can’t help but falling love with because you are literally giving birth to them and watching them live through situations you put them through. It’s a really weird feeling to be done. Is a novel ever really done? There are so many countless ways a story can go. —I’ll stop rambling and cut to the chase.— Am I the only one that feels a sense of sadness when things are done? Shouldn’t I be feeling that sense of accomplishment for finishing a novel in 29 days? Don’t let me fool you, it was incredibly hard. Heart opening, emotional, but also very healing and eye opening. But also very fun.
Through this novel writing practice, I learned that I still spread myself too thin. I am often too hard on myself for all the things I cannot accomplish in one day. And I reflected on the fact that I was feeling very unbalanced because of these things. Stressing about my word count rather than focusing on the healing journey of every word. Knowing, but forgetting that writing is almost like a journey of self discovery. Once again, novel writing showed that it was not an easy feat. It is NOT easy to write a novel. Let alone write one in 30 days. It does not get easier even though this is my 6th novel I’ve written. I reminded myself that without my routine I feel slightly lost and aimless. And this doesn’t even have to do with my writing. My morning routine of a mini workout, reading my devotionals, and practicing gratitude fell a little ways ago. That was something that kept me aligned. It kept me at peace and stopped the chatter that went on in my mind. That was something I let go of. It also reminded me in so many instances, where writing was sort of my meditation, that place where it feels you’re in between the space of awake and sleep and you are vividly dreaming. It’s as though writing is dreaming when you’re awake, and I felt those moments of bliss. Constantly.
Most importantly, I was reminded that writing fiction is what brings me bliss. It’s my passion and perhaps even my calling. And I do it every day, in my thoughts and day dreams even when I’m not jotting it down on paper.
I remembered that writing fiction is a muscle. And that muscle is so very different from writing my beloved self help/inspirational stuff. And that is so incredible different from writing children’s books. And different from writing copy. Or fashion articles, or scripts or poems. But a writer, is a writing, and the common denominator is to be an alchemist of written language, turning words into worlds. Loving the written word enough to spend hours upon hours sitting alone, to craft characters and a whole new world that the reader could experience in their own minds.
For me nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. Approaching my last 2,000 words, and concluding the novel, I started to feel my heart begin to break as I already miss the characters. A part of me wants to cry. And that’s what I did with my last few novels. It’s insane the attachment you build. It’s the same attachment I have or same feeling when finishing a book or TV series, or film series. You’ve invested a lot, and now it’s over. Luckily for me, I’ll revisit this after I’ve let it breathe, for the revision stage.
There is so much that I want to say about what I’ve learned. I could tell you that I have two very different, very big dreams. Or what I’ve learned about healing, or attachment, or me. But I will leave you with this: It is always about the journey and never the destination. This theme and lesson keeps reappearing in my life. I was always the person that was destination driven, that didn’t make me happy. Just like when you feel you’ve finished something, you’re looking for your next thing to accomplish. What did you learn along the way, my love? Who did you become along the way, sweetheart? What mistakes or lessons do you now know not to repeat? Then you realize that once you get there, you can accomplish so much more than you previously anticipated because of the journey. It shaped you into who you were supposed to be. And onward, and forward to your next dream, goal, adventure!
The beginning. <3
P.S. I wrote 6,000 words today so my vision is blurry, and I don’t feel like proof reading.